Perspective

We are faced with all kinds of problems -- financial, relationshiop, illness, loneliness, aging -- the usual life problems. But all pale in comparison to the heartbreak of losing a child. After we've been through that tunnel of grief and pain of child loss, nothing else seems to carry as much of a heavy weight on our hearts. In fact, life would seem great in spite of all of the usual life problems if we could have one thing -- if we could have our child back! There is nothing -- absolutely nothing -- that can compare to the depth of pain of losing a child! God bless every parent, every family who is in the trenches of heartache from child loss!-Silent Grief-Child Loss Support Facebook Page

As I was strolling through Facebook this morning, this post hit me like a ton of bricks. I found out something about a week ago that should have made me, at least I thought, more upset than I actually am. Something that in my past life, before losing two children, I always thought would bring me to my knees. What I have been struggling with after finding this out, was not how devastated I was, or hurt, but how I wasn't so devastated or so hurt. I keep thinking, why am I not mad? What is wrong with me? Am I just dead inside that nothing hurts anymore? NO!!! I am not dead or crazy, but compared to burying two of my children, any other trial or problem pales in comparison. Something that at one time might have, killed me, just doesn't now when I look back and realize what I have survived. I always think of what blessings I might have gained or will gain from losing Tess and Jones. I am thinking that my perspective on life is a blessing. I am grateful for the ability to really know what might kill me and what won't. I can get through or get past most anything. At least I hope I can. :)