Enjoying Jones

I can't believe that four months have gone by with this baby boy as a part of our family. He is such a good baby. He is very mellow which is such a blessing. His big brother is quite a handful right now and demands lots of attention, so it is very nice that Jones is fairly content most of the time. It is hard to admit to myself that I was so shocked and sad when I found out I was pregnant with Jonesy. I was so very tired of being pregnant and I just didn't feel like I had another pregnancy in me, ya know? When I look at him now, I can not imagine him not being here with us and I am so grateful that he is. Grateful that the Lord knew more than I did, and let us have him. I was thinking a few days ago that I was pretty sure that Jones was sent to us and to me, so that I could really truly enjoy a baby again. I am a tiny bit more relaxed with him, and I really don't feel like I am white knuckling it all the time. I do still check on him a ton, but somehow it feels different. Like for example: Yesterday I put him in his bouncy chair to play for a few minutes while I was putting away laundry and such. I came downstairs and into the living room where he was. I didn't buckle him in like a dumb dumb and when I looked down at the floor at him, I found him in an interesting position. He had wiggled almost all the way down to the end of the bouncy and had turned all the way over on his stomach. It freaked me out a little, but I just picked him up and kind of laughed it off. I would have never been able to do that with Saylor. I would have walked in, saw him like that and felt like someone had kicked me in the stomach. I might have even gone into a full on panic attack. I look back now and I am proud of how far I have come. I finally feel like our family is complete. Avery and Scarlett have each other to grow up with and now Saylor and Jones have each other as well. There will always be a longing in my heart for our Tess to be here with us, but I know that she is watching us, routing for us and waiting until we can all be together again.