Therapy

I went to see a new therapist this past week. I have enjoyed counseling in the past. I guess I like it because I don't have a problem communicating and at times it actually feels freeing. I go into this situation and I get to purge everything I am feeling. This new therapist specializes in helping people that have suffered some kind of trauma. She told me that she sees about 80 something patients a month and about 60 of those patients have experienced some sort of trauma. After telling her a little about me and my story she said something very sobering. She said out of all the people she has seen over the years, she can't imagine anything worse happening to a parent that what I experienced. (I don't think that what I went through is the worst thing that has ever happened in the world......let me make that clear) I guess what I am saying is that she made me feel like it is okay two years later for me to still be hurting. By no means is it time to for me to be over it or to have moved on. My daughters unexplained death and me finding her was something that has scarred me and I am forever changed. I feel like others want me to be better. It has been two years, it is now time to snap out of it. I wish I could, but it is easier said than done. I am really excited to continue seeing this counselor and am optimistic about the progress that I hope to make in therapy. There has been another new development in our family this month. I found out the week of Tess's anniversary that I was pregnant again. It was a complete and total surprise to us. We were not planning on anymore babies. I still am in shock a bit and have mixed feelings about this. I am very excited about another baby for our family. We are all so excited that Saylor will have a sibling close to his age to grow up with. I am very scared about what having a newborn to take care of will mean for my sanity. The constant terror of watching Saylor and not wanting him out of my sight was so very draining. I hope that I am up for the challenge again and I hope that with therapy I can learn how to process Tess's death in a different way. A way that is not so debilitating.