The 8th Came and Went

Last night as the girls were getting in bed and everything was settling down for the day.......it hit me. It was the 8th and I had not thought of Tess all day. It felt weird when I thought about it. I couldn't believe I hadn't thought about her all day. The 8th always stops me in my tracks because that is the day that she was born. I felt a bit guilty too. Am I starting to forget her like everyone else? I can not believe that she has been gone for two years. Her second angelversary came and went. It was not as hard to get through as the first, that is for sure. I have had a hard time really doing anything outwardly to celebrate her "angel day". Her birthday is celebrated because that precious life was born, but I can't celebrate that day that she died. That day will forever be the most heartbreaking and scariest day of my life. I have seen other angel moms who celebrate the anniversary, but the last two years I have pretty much just sat and home and thought about her and that morning. None of my family, except for my dad, made any contact with me on that day. I am sure that they are scared of me and don't know what to say, but saying nothing was so much worse. I feel like we only have these two days a year. Her birthday and her anniversary. I can't post pics of her, tell anyone about the milestones she is reaching and she won't turn 3 months, 6 months, two years or ten. This day was all I had. Does that sound selfish? I just want to feel like she is remembered and loved. I had a good long cry in my car yesterday when I thought of her. Every once in a while still it will hit me that she is gone and she is not coming back. SHE IS NOT COMING BACK!!!!!!!! The weight of that even two year later is so sobering that it will actually make me physically ill, when it really sinks in. I miss her so much that it hurts. I love her so much that it hurts. It still all just hurts. :(