Memories I Can Hold in My Hands

I am pretty sure before Tess was born, I went on to the Pampers website and signed her up. Not really sure why? I think I thought they might send me some coupons or something. So every month (I'm sure all you other mothers already are familiar with this)I get an email on her progress as she gets a month older. Several days ago, I checked my yahoo account and there it was.

Month 23 - Get Ready to Celebrate
Hello Jordan,

Can you believe it's already time to plan another birthday party? And don't forget to plan a little celebration for yourself, too, for getting through these first two years with flying colors! In this issue, learn about your child's latest developments, catch up on vaccinations, pick up some getting-dressed tips, and more.

My heart sunk a little while reading this. It was just another reminder that she won't be here with us celebrating her second birthday. Another part of me kind of likes getting those updates every month. I guess it makes her seem more real. She was really here and is not just a beautiful dream.

I have saved all of her things. Her carseat, stroller, bumbo chair, all of her clothes whether she wore them or not and anything else that reminds me of her. Most of it is sealed up in storage containers in our storage unit. I haven't looked at most of it since right after the funeral. It is just comforting to know that it is there. I found a few kind of strange things that I have in the house with me, that I can't get rid of just yet either.

A prescription that Tess was given just two days before she passed away. I love to look at her name printed out on the bottle.

The last bra I wore while nursing Tess. Still has some breast milk on it and I can't bring myself to wash it just yet.

The little sleeper that she was wearing the morning that she passed away. I keep it folded up inside a drawer in my nightstand. I like to take it out every so often and just hold it.