Checking and checking and checking

Even though Saylor is getting older and bigger, I still check on him constantly. The last couple of days have been especially hard because it seems he has slept nonstop. I am thinking it must be a growth spurt. During the day he naps really good in his swing. While he is asleep I try to get things done around the house, but I can't go to far without coming back in the room and making sure he is okay. I can even be sitting in the same room on my laptop and I feel the constant need to look up and check on him. The longer I go without checking on him, the more anxiety I feel. It builds and builds until I give in to my obsessive checking, checking and more checking. Needless to say, it is so exhausting. Usually a few different times a day, he looks like he is dead to me. It makes me so sad to say that, but it is true. When I have one of those moments, I find myself holding my breath and praying until I can walk over to him. I touch his face, shake him a little or put my finger under his nose to feel the warm air he is breathing. I do this all day every day. I'm sure there are some that would think that this is a little crazy, but I guess it comes with the territory after losing a baby to SIDS. Another angel mom told me several weeks ago, that after losing a baby to SIDS, a sleeping baby is never again a delightful thing. So very true.