Baby Steps for Mama and Saylor

Our boy is three months now. He weighs around 18 lbs and is such a big boy. He is starting to smile and react to us so much. He loves when his daddy talks to him, especially. I am loving being his mama. Taking care of him has been very stressful at times, but is getting easier every day. I still am constantly checking on him, but I have also taken baby steps that I am really proud of. I have probably written about this before, but I slept with him in a recliner for the first 12 weeks or so. I just couldn't put him down and I couldn't have him sleep in the bed with me either. (that is where Tess passed) I finally started putting him in his bassinet and would let him sleep for a little bit, but would always have to go pick him up. One night I finally let him sleep and didn't mess with him and he actually slept for eight hours straight. I have to confess to still sleeping in the recliner, right beside the bassinet. I probably woke up and checked on him every thirty minutes or so, but I still didn't get him up. When I woke up the next morning, I felt such a sense of pride. I felt proud of Saylor, but also very proud of his mama. It was a huge test of faith to let him sleep. A couple of nights ago I felt so sleep deprived that when I put him down in his bassinet, my head hit the pillow and I slept like a log for several hours. When I did wake up, I was instantly terrified. I hadn't checked on him throughout the night like I usually do. I said a silent prayer as I sat up and looked over his bassinet that he was alive and breathing. So, I still have my moments. I am a slow work in progress and am still healing. I ask myself sometimes, if I will ever be back to normal? Who knows if I will? Last night he slept for ten hours. He really is such a good baby.