The holidays are coming faster than I can handle. I haven't gotten my shopping done, but that is nothing new.(am the world's worst procrastinator) My girls are getting older and wanting more mature things. Avery really asked for only one or two toys. She is growing up so. Scarlett is infatuated with her Elf on the Shelf and is so excited to find him in new and interesting places every morning. She thinks he is watching over us and I think that is so precious. Saylor will spend his first Christmas with us and we are so thankful.
Last year I pretty much ruined Christmas for myself and everyone. A couple of family members even said to me later that it was hell. I stayed in the bed pretty much the entire time and it was pretty miserable. I think for me the first Christmas, first birthday, first anniversary of her death were extremely hard. I already feel stronger and I know that this Christmas will be different. I have been feeling a little down the last week or so, but I do know what to expect with the holidays. I know that I am going to be sad, because our girl is not with us. It is always there and a part of me is always sad.
Our family had our photos taken and I think they turned out really cute. It was freezing cold the afternoon we did them, but I love the snow pics and think it was way worth it. I love how snow makes everything look pure, fresh and new. I look at our Christmas card and think that if someone didn't know us, they would never know the road we have traveled the last couple of years. We look so pretty and happy. In a lot of ways we are, but we still grieve the loss of our daughter every single day. Heck every single second. It is a loss that I am not sure that I will ever get over. We are still getting up everyday and trying to love each other and our precious children. Trying to do the best we can......and that is all we are all asked to do.
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