My six year old Scarlett was the one that led us in family prayer tonight. Her prayer was so sweet and innocent. She asked our Heavenly Father to help her and her sister get a good night sleep, for daddy to be safe at work and for Saylor to be healthy. She also prayed, "Please help Mom to not be so angry all the time." I immediately opened my eyes to look at her and she was looking at me. Can we say humbled???? I smiled at her and she finished her sweet and honest prayer. Needless to say, I have thought about this for the last few hours. I am so thankful that Bryan and I have raised our girls in a home where they feel they can be honest with their feelings and emotions. I am also grateful that Scarlett is learning to turn to our Father with her troubles in prayer. I sit here feeling so much guilt and sadness for what my girls have had to go through this last year. I am thankful for the swift kick in the pants that I got tonight by Scarly's little prayer. I am going to make a serious effort to be happy. To have a happy heart. To love every single day that I am here on this earth or at least try my hardest to. The anger, bitterness and guilt I have felt have changed who I am and it hasn't been pretty at times. Unfortunately my family has had to bare the brunt of my anger. I owe it to them to try to let all of that go. I owe it to myself to let it go. My spirit and love for life will not die just because my daughter did. She would not want that for me. I love her and my other children too much to do that.
I know I was put on this earth to be the mother to Avery Raine, Scarlett Renee, Tess Alexandra and Saylor Evans. They have all been the true loves of my life. Thinking of these four precious wonderful human beings makes my heart swell. All the heartache, sadness, sorrow that I have had to endure was worth it a million times over to be their mother for even just a moment. I am blessed. I pray that I will not soon forget Scarlett's sweet prayer. I think my daughter's plea to the Lord was really to have her mother back. I am going to do everything in my power to give her just that!
1 comment:
How sweet. I hate when my kids remind me of my bad behavior :)
But you are right, we need to be happy because that is what our babies would want. Although, its hard, I hate the guilt aspect that I struggle with. Should I really be as happy as I am without my son? That is question that is so hard for me.
Scarlett is adorable. She reminds me of my Braia, they would probably be just best of friends :)
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