This Thursday the 21st marks the year anniversary of our Tess's death. Today I am feeling like why can't I just wake up from this freaking nightmare. I know it has been a year, but it seems like it just happened yesterday. I don't want an angel.....I want my daughter back. The situation I am in right now, is I know, making me so emotional. If I let myself I can feel really guilty for being pregnant and for trying to move on without her. Everything feels like deja vu. I feel so much guilt still for what happened that morning. I wonder everyday what I could've done differently and what I did wrong. I was her mother. She was in my care and I let her down. She was my third child and I really felt like I know what I was doing. I felt as if I knew how to be a good mom and I turned out to be the worst mother ever. I wonder everyday if she misses me. I know she knew me and maybe she even knew that her stay her on earth was going to so short. She was already my best friend. I know I will get through this week, because like a friend said, "You have already been through the most awful thing that you will ever have to experience in your life. You are forced to be strong."
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